I got a call from someone at my local hospital yesterday asking if I could go in to see her and have a chat about where I am currently and how they can possibly help. I have never been in the mental health system before and so was feeling really nervous and had no idea what to expect. The woman was really nice, made me feel at ease pretty much straight away and although was obviously emotional for me, I explained I didn’t let people in very easily and that this was an extremely difficult situation for me. She seemed to understand this and allowed me to take my time when needed.
Again, the issue of suicide was brought up and I was asked if I had any plans and the means of which to do it. I said it would only take a trip to a couple of shops to get enough paracetamol (I know there is a limit on how many you are allowed to purchase in one shop!) but as it stood that very second I couldn’t be bothered to do that and all I wanted was to go home back to bed where I felt safe.
The woman said she thought it would be an idea to get the crisis team involved. I had no idea what this meant and so asked her to explain further. I was told that it was an alternative to being admitted in to hospital. That things I was saying and my demeanour led her to believe I was at high risk and the crisis team would come to my home and make sure I was ‘safe’ and provide 24 hour access to help if I needed it.
I honestly didn’t think I needed all of that but she said very rarely does anyone think they do and I have to trust the experts, so I said ok I would see them and go from there.