I met my care co-ordinator (cc) on her own for the first time today and we had a ton of paperwork to work through. I asked if she had read my notes because by this time I was fed up of telling my story, but she said not in detail as she didn’t want any pre-conceived ideas before meeting me and wanted to hear it from me. I liked this and I think mentally at this point I decided I would let her in and be as open and honest as I could be.
We worked through the questions and I told her that I didn’t think there was any point as I had lost all hope in the system and if I was being completely honest I had a date in mind that I wanted to end things – the 18th August. It had meaning for me for a number of reasons and I was looking in to methods that would be 100% as my biggest fear was failing and ending up in for example a coma or similar.
My GP had told me the previous time I spoke to her that she thought I should see a psychiatrist as the medication wasn’t working as she hoped and as it wasn’t her speciality she wanted a second opinion on everything and maybe I could get a different medication that could help me more. My cc agreed with this and told me she would be in touch once she had spoken to the psychiatrist and got a response from her.
It was later in the day that I had a phone call from my cc and she said the psychiatrist could see me on Friday 29th July. I didn’t expect it to be so quick as I had heard of people waiting months to see one. I said would go and my cc said she would also be there. I must admit I am feeling a bit apprehensive about it. Not only does it mean travelling to see her but I have quite strong thoughts on medication and the whole psychiatric service and I can be very stubborn!!