My second appointment with the psychiatrist and it was just me and her this time. I was more surprised than anyone to find out we got on really well – she understood my humour and me hers and things definitely turned a corner with us!! She told me that she had diagnosed PTSD officially and I was text book with my symptoms. She said that the depressive thinking was part of it – not due to major depression like they had been trying to treat.
She told me she still wanted me to stay on the anti depressants and I told her I had stopped both the mirtazapine and quetiapine as I hated the way they made me feel. The quetiapine initially knocked me out and I spent 2 days asleep and after that I had really vivid dreams and sometimes actually thought I had done something in real life that turned out to only be in my dream. I felt really out of control and so I stopped them.
We then moved on to the issue that I mentioned to my cc a couple of weeks ago, that I intended on ending my life on the 18th. She asked if this was still true – I said yes and I had most parts now to how I was going to do it. She said she genuinely hoped I would give it a second thought and they thought they could help me in the long term. She told me she was away on holiday after this week and she would make me an appointment for when she was back. She understood it was after the 18th but she hoped I would still be alive to make the appointment.