I’ve never really gone in to my work patterns apart from to say I have my own business that has suffered ALOT because some days I find it hard to just get out of bed and therefore I have lost a number of clients due to not being able to fulfil my role. The thing is, this hasn’t bothered me at all – something I spent a number of years building up is crashing down around me and I don’t really care.
However, now I have a quandary. I used to have a client who I worked approx. 40 hours a month for and when I started to get ill, they moved a lot of my work over to a different company and introduced a number of different systems. I couldn’t really blame them, but a small part of me was quite hurt as I had supported them through a lot of tough times and helped them grow from 2 people to over 40 – often working hours unpaid. When I started feeling this way, I met with them and asked for 2 weeks reprieve on tasks as I needed some personal time – they said no, they needed someone there and then and it’s not something they could support (this is when they started moving my tasks elsewhere and eventually reduced my hours until I was no longer doing anything for them).
Then I got a call from them. The other person they used didn’t understand their way of working (both directors are very much, ‘we need it yesterday’ people and I was too so we worked well together). They have basically asked me to take on the workload (with the new processes) which involves client management (approx 500 people) that would mean me placing welcome calls to new clients and problem solving for them. They said apart from the 2 of them, I knew their business in and out and therefore could answer everything – something that has come from the years of experience that can’t really be taught!
So, in essence this is great – but in reality I don’t feel I am that person anymore or that I can provide that service – I struggle to get out of bed, how can I take care of a businesses clients? The role involves having a separate phone that will be on all literature as a contact number. When I think of doing the job, I get a feeling in the pit of my stomach of dread and get really panicked!! But, and this is a huge but – I don’t have any money and if I don’t get any I am looking at losing my apartment and getting further and further in to monetary difficulties.
I really have no idea what to do – do I go ahead and do something that I really don’t think I can (and therefore goes against my ethics and morals) or take it and try to blag my way through – although no idea how I would manage it.
I’m not in a place to make decisions, I struggle to decide when to have a shower nevermind something of this magnitude. Any advice welcome!!