I’ve never really got to the end of a year and looked back on it. I used to be a great believer in the ‘why wait for a new year to make changes’ train of thought. I always had my goals regardless of time of year and assessed them regularly.
I’ve never particularly liked new years eve but as my family is Scottish, Hogmanay was always a big thing when I was growing up. My new years eve experiences haven’t been great as an adult (from sleeping in a car in minus 5 to being the sober one around drunks – neither are my idea of fun!!) and so over the past few years, I generally just went with the flow and chilled out.
This year I am staying in on my own. I have spent the past 7 days at my mums house with my brother and his family over from America (his wife and my 2 nieces who are 5 and 15 months). I really struggled initially and this week has been difficult but I’ve achieved a lot! I think seeing my nieces live in the moment helped me and I managed:
– to get up every day (hard not to when my bed was the sofa & I had my niece jumping on me at 7am!!)
– to go for a 3 mile walk round a reservoir that has meaning for me
– to go for a walk along the coast
– to have 2 personal training sessions
– to set some goals
That is a lot from my perspective and I am proud of myself for making those steps.
2011 for me has been a tough year. It started with me admitting I needed help to my GP when the flashbacks etc from when I was raped just got too much to handle. From there I was sent for a lot of mental health assessments and eventually landed in hospital after a suicide attempt. I was treated by the crisis team for about 6 weeks and then assigned my care coordinator at the CMHT (community mental health team).
I saw a psychiatrist who diagnosed me with PTSD and tried a lot of different medications to help with flashbacks and sleep – none of which helped and so am ending the year medication free.
There were another couple of suicide attempts over the year, the last one being in December on the anniversary of the rape. There have been many times over the past 12 months that I didn’t think I’d ever see the end of the year. Who knows what 2012 will bring, but if I got through 2011 then maybe I can do the same in the next year!!
I also want to take this opportunity to say thank you to some people who don’t know me in real life but have taken time out of their day to email or tweet me and have really been a rock for me!! I won’t mention names in case they don’t want me to, but you know who you are and thank you so much!!