For those that follow me on twitter you might have seen I’m having a bit of a rough time at the minute.
Yesterday, I saw my care co-ordinator (cc) for the first time since before Christmas and I asked to be discharged – I’m gonna try to write why but might be totally garbled and make no sense!
I have been feeling myself getting lower and lower after the past week and yesterday I had an extreme flashback and with it came physical sensations as well (a lot of pain!). It made me feel like I couldn’t see an end to the ptsd and I just wanted to give up. And so I made the decision to ask to be discharged as I was actually planning to kill myself and so didn’t want to make any appointments that I wouldn’t keep (obviously I didn’t mention this!).I got fairly emotional when I asked and my cc said that she could strongly advise me that she didn’t believe that was right for me at the moment but it was highly unlikely she would be able to section me and so if I sincerely asked, then she would have to.
I don’t want this post to be about suicide but more about saying how amazing my cc is. Too many social workers get a bad name because of a few bad ones in the profession that end up in the media and get banded as being the norm. This couldn’t be further from the truth with mine.
In the short space of time I’ve known her (6 months), she has made a big effort to get to know me and how I work. The fact that I am extremely sarcastic (she can give as good as she gets though) and that I am stubborn but she doesn’t let me get away with things because of it. She jokes with me and doesn’t make me feel bad for actually wanting to laugh sometimes. She knows when to back off and also when to kick me up the arse to get me going. She understands when I am pissed off or angry and more importantly, why I am and if she doesn’t, she makes an effort to try to.
Anyway, I just wanted to put that out there, I know I can moan and whine on this blog but I also wanted to put this on. Oh and by the way, I have told her this and thanked her (her response sums it up – I don’t do this job for thanks but I appreciate you saying it).
As for being discharged, she left me to think about it and I’ve held hands up and told her what the real reason was and said I need help. She has referred me to the crisis team so no doubt my next post will be about something along those lines!