So the title pretty much says it all. On Tuesday I had my normal appointment with my cc but it happened that at the same time I was in the depths of a suicidal thought place (followers on twitter will know what I mean as I usually log on there when in that state).
She left as normal and I was booked in for therapy the next day. But 10 mins after, she called to say she was still outside and she had asked my psychiatrist to come out to see me. Me being completely new and naive to the system thought it would be to talk about my meds and try get something sorted asap. Even when she arrived and was talking I still didn’t think anything. And then she said well the upshot is I think you should go into hospital tonight and there is a gp on the way to give an independent assessment.
I said no I couldn’t (obvious reaction I’m sure). I think I’ve mentioned on twitter how much work I had and the deadline was the end of this month and thinking that I would be going in to hospital and missing them stressed me out. I asked if we could leave until then and I’d do whatever they wanted and to be fair, the psychiatrist did think about things – until my buzzer went and it was the gp.
It was only when he introduced himself and said he was there to assess me to see if detainment under section 2 of the mental health act was needed, that I truly understood what was going on (told you I was naive!!)
Anyway, he agreed with them. However, my cc who is also an amhp said she’d prefer not to take control away and let me decide for myself. I said to her about work and I’d lose my clients and that would cause even more problems and again asked if we could wait till Tuesday. Then my psychiatrist said ‘right you’re not of sound mind to make a decision so I’m detaining you’.
Now let me just say at this time – yeah I was angry (only inside self) but at no point did I blame or have any anger towards my cc or psychiatrist. I know they only had my best interests at heart and doing their jobs. My cc was really apologetic but whilst waiting for the ambulance (that’s only way they’d take me), we had a good chat. I told her what I just said, that I trust her enough to know she is doing it for me and apologised for being trouble for her (mainly cos I refused crisis team). I’m glad we got to have that chat!!
So that was me, 8pm on Tuesday night, brought to the hospital and if I’m honest have never been more terrified.
I’m gonna leave this post here and will maybe do another soon but one last thing – thanks so much to all in twitter land who have helped me through these past 2 days – you’ve no idea how much you have helped me!! I am now trying to see this as a new start for me and hopefully I can start climbing out of this black hole!!