Since being discharged after being detained under section 2, I’ve had quite a lot of trouble settling back in to my own environment.
Whether I liked it or not, being on a locked ward makes you adhere to a routine and even though I received little support, I knew if I really wanted to speak to someone they were there (especially during the night).
There is a complete contrast between that environment to my own place (where I live alone). I had convinced myself in hospital that I’d get out and everything would be different and I’d go on to achieve all manner of goals. What I didn’t factor in, is that the only thing that would make all that happen is me and me changing my thinking. I know it sounds simple!!! But in order for me to make changes I need help.
Since being discharged on the Wednesday, my care coordinator (cc) had to see me within 7 days and so came out on Monday. Normally my session with my cc is towards the end of the week. This is because I have therapy on Wednesdays and so we work it so I have support after therapy in case anything has come up that is hard for me. But because of the legal requirement for her to see me within 7 days it means in the 2 weeks since discharge I would have had 2 therapy sessions and only one visit from her.
How has this inflexibility helped me? Well, it hasn’t! Fortunately in therapy so far (I’m relatively new to it), I have managed to be very clinical as we have been working on my timeline and so I’ve not needed any real support after the sessions. This week however, I got extremely emotional (first session since being discharged) and left me feeling in a very dark place. And because of the way the system works, I’ve had no support and the next person I’m seeing from the services is my therapist again next Wednesday.
I guess the point of this post is to say how extremely lonely this whole experience has left me (from a professional stance!). This really isn’t working for me but not sure of the alternatives. All I want is to get better, is it too much to ask that the process that’s supposed to help me doesn’t actually hinder me?