More Support

28 Feb

In a previous post I mentioned how I had struggled with leaving the routine environment of being detained in a psychiatric ward. In the 2 weeks after being discharged, I had 2 therapy sessions and 1 visit from my care co-ordinator (which was after 5 days of coming out).I felt alone and unsupported.

I am the type of person that if something is on my mind, I will tell the person involved and so when I had my 2nd visit from my care co-ordinator (cc), that’s exactly what I did!!

I told her that I was pissed off with her (thankfully we have the kind of relationship where this is ok for me to say). I explained in her last visit I said how much I was struggling after being discharged and that was me asking for help. And the fact at the end of the session she made an appointment for 10 days later was what had riled me. We spoke about it for a while, about the fact she wasn’t able to fit another visit in that week because of her schedule. I totally understood this and I wasn’t asking for another visit, just a phone call – it didn’t even have to be from her, a duty worker would have done. Just someone who I could reach out to in what for me has been one of the hardest times of this whole illness!

I’m really not one to hold a grudge, I’d said my piece, she had said hers and so we could both move on. This was last Thursday and we arranged for her (or someone else) to call on Monday to see if I was ok.

However, on the Friday, for some reason I got an overwhelming need to be hurt. It took a lot for me to do but I eventually managed to call my cc. We spoke about why I might feel this way and I realised that if I was in enough physical pain, then my mind would be on that and not the mental pain I was in. Once I understood this, I felt a bit better and promised her I would make it through the weekend without going ahead with the ‘hurt me’ plans I had thought of (nothing to do with suicide!!)

Yesterday, my cc called as promised and during our conversation she asked if I could think of anything that she could do to support me more. I honestly couldn’t think of anything she could do in the confines of the system. And that’s where I was wrong when I told my cc I was pissed off with her. I think it should have been the system I was angry at – not her!!


Posted by on February 28, 2012 in Uncategorized


2 responses to “More Support

  1. Dee Speers

    February 28, 2012 at 11:25 pm

    Its ok to be angry at the system and cc is part of that system, so its ok to be angry at her…not on a personal level but a system level.
    What you are learning is how to support yourself and thats what is a bi product of a less than supportive system…..not good as such because if you need support then you need support, end of! But we have to work with what is! You have coped (difficult though it is/was) and you will cope again. Just as the negative feelings take over so the positive ones are waiting to return…its the whole balance thing!
    Thank you for your honest tweets, you are helping me come to terms with the loss of my son…..You are helping me understand that self harm is not unfinished suicide….your explanation of physical v mental pain is a real light bulb moment!
    Thank you….have a peaceful night xx

    • femaleptsd

      February 28, 2012 at 11:45 pm

      I guess I feel, like all things in my life, that I need to accept responsibility for things that involve me. So in this case, if I can see that maybe it was my fault then I can deal with that and move on. If I accept the system is flawed (even if it is), then that is out of my control and I can’t do anything (if that makes any sense at all!!)

      I am really sorry, I had no idea about your son – if I can be of any help in any way then please just ask x


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