For those that follow me on twitter, writing this is number 5 out of 10 on distraction technique.
This time yesterday I had pretty much woken up from my day of dozing after my EMDR session. I felt horrid when I got back in the morning and so I took some of my sleeping tablets and after sleeping on it, I felt like I needed to be a bit easier on myself and give it chance to work.
I tried to do something for me and so took a long bath to try to relax and get rid of some of the emotions that had been brought up by the earlier session. I then wrote a couple of blog posts whilst I had some concentration and spent the night on twitter. It was at this point that I began to feel my emotions coming back about my dad and so I took another lot of sleeping meds to knock me out (about 2am).
I woke up at 4.30am curled up on the floor at the side of bed screaming – yet another night terror. No matter how many of these I have, I never get used to the feeling of waking up and for few seconds not knowing where I am and adrenaline pumping round body!! I went and made myself a hot water bottle, went back to bed and just lay crying for the next hour or so.
I was scared of going back to sleep again so I just lay, no reading etc watching my room get lighter and lighter. I couldn’t get up, I had no want to so I just carried on lying there. I tried going on twitter but every time I tried catching up on tweets, I got frustrated because I had to re-read too many times, so I gave up on that as well.
I’m often asked (by cc and psychiatrist), if I am in bed all day what do I do? And to be honest the answer is I don’t know! Time goes by and I’m still lying there. If you can remember the times when you are driving along and before you know it you are at your destination but for the life of you can’t remember the journey – that’s the best way I can describe it. my journey is the time and when I look at it I have no idea how I got from previous time to this one.
This afternoon I got a text from my local car garage saying my MOT had cost £410 and that was it. Such a small thing which normally I would work out a way to deal with it (I don’t have that money at min due to lack of work), turned out to be the straw that broke the camel’s back.
I was supposed to pick up medication today (I’m still on weekly scripts), but there is no way I can leave my bed at the minute and I’m not sure having tablets here is a good idea right now!
And that’s the past 24 hours, nothing majorly significant but a number of small issues that I have completely lost the coping ability for. So here I am, working through my distraction technique plan! Number 5 done and still feel the same!!