When I’m in this Mood…

09 Mar

When I’m in this mood:

– I get angry because I can’t play what is a simple game on my phone

– I get angry because I read a sentence 10 times and still I have no idea what it says

– I get scared to go to sleep because of flashbacks and especially when seeing new things in them

– I get angry because I seem unable to do anything but stare at a wall

– I feel ashamed that I let them do this to me

– I feel upset and so alone and yet so empty

– I feel like I deserve to be punished in some way & search out ways to do that (self harm, non-lethal overdose etc)

– I feel pathetic for all of the above


Posted by on March 9, 2012 in Uncategorized


Tags: ,

7 responses to “When I’m in this Mood…

  1. trickygirl

    March 9, 2012 at 12:34 am

    Firstly, you don’t deserve to be punished – the only people who deserve to be punished are the people who did what they did to you. You didn’t deserve that – Full Stop.

    And you are not pathetic. All these feelings are a completely natural response to what happened to you, despite the fact that they’re absolute hell on earth to go through.

    I know how all that feels, though. In my case, it’s taken me more than a decade to even begin to believe that I didn’t deserve what happened to me, that I wasn’t a stupid, pathetic little girl. I’m still working on the not feeling ashamed thing. It’s not easy.

    I can relate to the anger and frustration too. I hate the inability to concentrate and the simmering, low-level rage that accompanies my daily life far too frequently.

    I know this Mood all too well….

    You’re stronger than you think xx

    • femaleptsd

      March 9, 2012 at 7:20 am

      Thank you for the comment and letting me know that I’m not alone in my feelings! Sometimes it’s so hard to explain how I feel that I just had to get it out. Thanks again!

      • trickygirl

        March 9, 2012 at 1:19 pm

        It also helps me to know that I’m not the only one who feels like that too! I know what you mean about hard to explain…

        Hope you’re feeling better today.

  2. Claire

    March 9, 2012 at 8:26 am

    I think Gurdur gave good advice yesterday. See if coffee and tetris help. Then see if you can get a routine going. If you feel really bad, make yourself do aerobics. The Buddhists have a very strenuous bowing routine that’s got to be good because it’s ancient and they’re still doing it!

    You’ll still feel bad, but

    • femaleptsd

      March 9, 2012 at 12:19 pm

      yup was very good advice – problem is that tetris or similar just make me mad in this mood when I lose – so turned out to not be the right thing for me. Maybe will try it when I am in a better place though!

  3. Claire

    March 9, 2012 at 8:27 am

    You’ll still feel bad, but maybe the routine will give you a safe place that you control.

  4. Andrea

    March 9, 2012 at 9:58 pm

    I feel exactly the same a lot of times.. a week ago I started crying because the bus didn’t come..


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