Yesterday I had an appointment with my care co-ordinator. We were talking about a plan going forward and that she thought the first step would be to go for a walk together – just locally. I have such bad social anxiety that even that feels overwhelming.
But my response was that I really struggle to accept that’s where I’ve ended up – going from an independent, extremely social person to one who struggles to go for a walk on my own and therefore needs support. And like in my last post, it makes me feel pathetic that I am this way!!
My cc said she never normally says the following. She always looks at people’s strengths and works with them, but she thinks I need to accept something fundamental. She looked me straight in the eye and said ‘you are not well’ and repeated it a few times. She told me that I’ve accepted I can’t do certain things with my hand in plaster and don’t feel pathetic because of that, so why can’t I accept the illness as it is?
It got me thinking and am I a victim of my own stigma? But I don’t feel like that about others, so why about myself? I’m still struggling to accept I’m ill, and that’s maybe why I’m stumbling so often. Is there anyone else that sees where I’m coming from or feels similar?