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Non suicidal overdose scared me!

29 Apr

If I’m being honest, my latest episode of taking medication to ‘knock myself out’, really scared me. As I’ve mentioned in the past, I used over the counter sleeping tablets to help me get that effect (I usually took a weeks packet at once). However, in the early hours of Monday I was really struggling and the only tablets I had in was my prescription medication.

I knew that they were one of the least toxic medications on the market and so didn’t think twice about taking a weeks worth in one go. I use them mainly for their sedative effect and so I assumed a weeks worth would help me sleep for a good few hours.

My care coordinator (cc), came round about midday and found me unable to walk properly or speak very well. She asked what I’d taken and phoned an ambulance. I really didn’t want one, it was a waste of time and resources as I knew they weren’t toxic. And then I was sick and lost consciousness. I don’t actually remember much but it’s what my cc has told me since.

I was discharged, after a psych consult, around 11pm the same night. The tablets had made my blood pressure drop which is why I was out of it for a bit.

My cc came to see me on Thursday to see how I was and filled in the missing pieces. She told me she was really worried about me and that independently taking small overdoses of the tablets I use wouldn’t kill me. However, what would, is the culmination of them all in such a short space of time. This is what scared me!

Those that have known my blog and twitter (@femaleptsd) for a while know I’ve had my suicidal moments and that’s one thing. But for me to die because all I want is to numb the pain, then that is quite another. And so I have taken the decision to remove that coping strategy all together. The problem is, I haven’t been able to replace it with anything and so the end of this week has been one of the worst for me.

I’ve literally kept myself in bed so that I’m not tempted, and in the process have lost all motivation – you know it’s bad when even suicide is too much of a hassle!!

So, what’s next for me? My cc wants to arrange a review session with everyone involved in my care (my psychiatrist & therapist) to discuss if we are currently on the right path. She thinks that maybe its not the right time for me to be having therapy as I don’t have the coping skills for everything it’s bringing up. I’m not really sure of my opinion on this.

I am also waiting for an assessment to see if I can get a bed in mind’s crisis accommodation. This is essentially a place to go for up to 7 days with a more therapeutic environment and 24/7 access to support (via a phone). I’ve always battled against going to anywhere like this but I honestly think I need it right now. The waiting list is 2 weeks but the assessment should be next week sometime.

I also just want to say thank you so much to those on twitter who yet agin have been there for me. Words don’t feel enough to express my gratitude, but you know who you are!!

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2 Comments

Posted by on April 29, 2012 in Uncategorized

 

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2 responses to “Non suicidal overdose scared me!

  1. Catherine Ann McArdle

    February 28, 2013 at 5:01 am

    OMG, you’re doing the same things to cope as I am! I’ve sort of got a grip of things over the last 4 months but, if left alone with a box of the drug of my choice, I think it would be impossible to not to start taking them & by the end of the day they would be gone!
    I started off abusing prescription sleeping pills. At first I just needed sleep badly. I’d had trauma in my childhood so, at 19 I visited the doctor who gave me sleeping pills. The same ones my Gran was taking. I’m pretty sure I became an insomniac somewhere in my teen years. Anyway, the doctor gave me these sleeping pills. Soon enough I was taking handfuls of them, A) To get high B) To get totally knocked out!
    When the doctor wouldn’t prescribe, because he had noticed a problem, I turned to helping myself to my Grans pills Eventually her doctor noticed she was picking up her prescriptions rather early as I didn’t just take one pill a night. I took a small handful! After that I turned to over the counter sleeping pills like Nytol & a packet of them could last me the day & to be honest I didn’t really like the feeling but I was hooked..
    I don’t know how I stopped with the Nytol. I guess one thing replaces the last.I developed severe abdominal pain & was in hospital. At which point I was prescribed painkillers.I new someone who was experienced in abusing medicines & he pointed out that, the painkillers I had been prescribed, could be abused to get a high & eventually knock you out so you could sleep sleep sleep!
    The first time I abused these painkillers I was totally out of it! But, they had side effects. As they were morphine based or morphine mimicing drugs, I was violently sick but had a great big sleeping session. To cut along story short, the more I took, the more I needed & the more I did that my body started to build up a tolerance to them..
    Ive stopped abusing them at the end of november & Ive moved areas so have signed up with a new doctor & found myself talking about an annoying pain I have. I really do have pain though & I knew the doctor would prescribe me these painkillers. With all the best intentions at heart I picked up my script but a 4 days has passed & I don’t have a pill in site. Just the fuzzy memories of a few days of having a feeling of inner peace & at one with myself. I have also had some good sleep where I can remember the falling asleep stage as being very nice as I’ve felt tired & that my brain is calmly swithing off..
    Anyway, enough about me & lets look at you at bit more. Please email me in reply to this message & I will look forward to sharing experiences with you & maybe go a bit deeper as to why??
    ‘We were not put on this earth to see throgh one another, but to see one another through!!
    Kitty

     
    • femaleptsd

      March 1, 2013 at 6:42 pm

      Thanks for the comment kitty – am sorry to hear of your experiences but glad you seem to have some control over the prescription pills x

       

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