Today I got a copy of my latest mental health review as I wanted to see exactly what had been sent to the crisis accommodation people so I knew exactly where I stood if I decide to go on Thursday. I have decided to put it in on my blog as it sums up where the service thinks I’m at currently. I’m not 100% this is a good idea, but want to be make this as open and honest an account of my journey that it can be.
Below is the risk assessment in the ‘harm to self/suicide’ section – I’ve only included the ones that were ticked:
“Suicide attempts – yes
Incidents of self harm – yes
Any expressions of concern from others about the risk of harm to self/suicide – yes
Considered/planned intent – yes
Expressing high levels of distress – yes
Expressing ideas of self harm/suicide – yes
Helplessness/hopelessness – yes
Living alone – yes
Psychiatric diagnosis – yes
Recent discharge from mental health inpatient service – yes
Major life event – yes
Can’t see future for herself, feels the work needed to be done is overwhelming.
Feels she will continue to make attempts on her life but has no specific plan or intent, feels that she would like support at this time in trying to manage her distress that is leading to suicidality. Will ask for help, but is often not able to due to the distress often being out of hours. X has significant difficulty in talking to people on the telephone and finds this unhelpful at times. X describes currently going from 0-60 in her emotions and associated impulsivity will then surface. X is willing to look at alternative management techniques but feels that nothing is as effective as small overdoses to sleep the intense feelings off and is ambivalent about the fact that this may accidentally kill her.
Is DSH via cutting arm superficially with a razor.
Is using overdoses of over the counter sleeping tablets to numb emotions and distress and is trying to sleep away days to avoid experiencing the intensity of emotions.
Factors increasing risk:
Feels there is another version of her in a parallel universe that will continue to live even if she dies (quantum physics theory)
Level of emotional distress experienced.
Minimal protective factors
Finds it difficult to talk on the phone and her distress is often out of hours
Factors decreasing risk:
Nieces x2 are protective factors at times
X reporting she would like support with managing these feelings of distress and is accepting of extra support at this time.
X aware of alternative ways to try to manage distress and will make efforts to do these.”
I know this is just one section of the review (it’s 19 pages) but after reading it, I think it shows that although I’m really struggling at the minute, I am also asking for help and trying to get through it!!