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Drinking & it’s Consequences

12 May

**THE FOLLOWING COULD TRIGGER**

After a tough week I decided to have a drink yesterday – it was just going to be a couple of Jack Daniels, but soon turned in to the remainder of the bottle plus a few of bottles of cider and then I started on the vodka. I was in a total mess and I have no recollection of what happened after about midnight but I know from twitter that I went out.

I woke up this morning back home fully clothed and with a black eye. I am pretty certain what happened but with no memory, I can’t be sure. I know I am sore down below and got a few bruises on my body. But this brings about a load of questions:

– If I did go back to the group that did this to me originally, why?
– Why would I want to put myself in that position again
– Surely if I went back to them then I deserve all I got (again, if it did happen)

I feel like I’ve taken a giant step back and have no one but myself to blame for this. I’m totally stupid and a complete idiot for putting myself at risk like I assume I did.

Feeling extremely fragile now (and not because of the raging headache I have!!!)

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8 Comments

Posted by on May 12, 2012 in Uncategorized

 

8 responses to “Drinking & it’s Consequences

  1. goatgirlandthebean

    May 12, 2012 at 5:23 pm

    have you got anyone to talk to this weekend? You sound like you wanted to punish yourself badly. I wish I could help…

     
    • femaleptsd

      May 12, 2012 at 5:53 pm

      Got my cc coming on Monday so will just try and stay on twitter the rest of the weekend – thankyou x

       
  2. Jemfmurphy

    May 12, 2012 at 5:29 pm

    You weren’t to blame the first time & you’re not to blame now. Similar thing happened to a friend of mine last weekend. Luckily she managed to run away. She was on the phone to me at the time. I felt guilty – maybe if I hadn’t been speaking to her she would have been more aware of her surroundings & would’ve realised before she was attacked. She, of course, felt like it was all her fault because she’d gone to a place, late at night, where she lived (for comfort) but where she’d been attacked before. It wasn’t her fault either. It was their fault. She had been in a real crisis at the time and that’s why she put herself at risk. You’d been drinking – that put’s us all at risk. Who knows why we do what we do when we’re vulnerable? Maybe you’d both do things differently next time. But whatever, neither of you are to blame for what happened.

     
    • Jemfmurphy

      May 12, 2012 at 5:30 pm

      Sorry, meant to type “a place she loved”. Always put ‘lived’ by mistake.

       
  3. Belinda

    May 12, 2012 at 7:07 pm

    Thank you for being so honest and for telling us what happened. Shows just how brave you are deep down and I for one, am very proud of you for opening up to us all.

    Please don’t punish or blame yourself. You didn’t choose to be hurt so badly then or now. It’s so easy to say that you need to find alternative ways of coping with your distress than drinking, to keep you safe, but I know it’s not that easy and sometimes we just do what we know isn’t good for us. That’s why it’s important to know you’re not alone.

    Keep talking to people tonight and tomorrow. I hope telling people how you feel will help you work through your emotions and help to keep you safe until you meet your cc xx

     
  4. revpamsmith

    May 19, 2012 at 7:01 pm

    You don’t ‘deserve’ bad things happening to you. You’re in a vulnerable place in your life and some people take advantage of that. No way do you ‘deserve’ it. (((((((Hugs))))))))

     
    • femaleptsd

      May 19, 2012 at 7:16 pm

      Thanks – something I’m struggling to get my head around – but I am trying to x

       
      • revpamsmith

        May 20, 2012 at 5:25 pm

        Will pray for you. It can be a bit of a catch 22 can’t it – feeling you *should* have better self esteem can just be another source of low self esteem 😦 XXXXXX

         

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