27 Jul

Further to my last post, I have definitely decided that I need to live. I want to train in some kind of counselling to help others in similar situations. But in the short-term, I have asked to be discharged.

I have been here for 3 days, have done as they asked, had daily showers and eaten and drank. But that is just the superficial side of things. I really do feel that I am ok to go home for the following reasons:

1 – I was suicidal, there is no getting away from that. I had set a deadline of today to make the decision of whether to go ahead and kill myself or really engage with the services and give my treatment a real go. Being in hospital has reminded me of what I have and can have again. Now that decision has been made (actually made it yesterday), I see no point whatsoever of being here anymore.

2 – I’ve actually realised how ridiculous it sounds that I had given myself this deadline and not only that but I had waited until my mum was in America. I love my mum to bits as I do the rest of my family and I want to see my nieces growing up!!

3 – I think until I fully accepted that there were people in my life that I loved, then suicide was always going to be option to go to. I know this will be a really long road, I’ve no doubt of that, and I also have to be aware that I will have suicidal thoughts, but that’s all they are – just like a lot of the population!

4 – It’s been so hard to see how much my life has changed since I was raped and very much felt ‘why should I suffer because of them?’ but the fact is, I am and I need to accept the help around me to move on and hopefully get back some of the old me!

So I need to know, how can I prove this to the staff here? I’m willing to work as intensively as needed with the home treatment team (crisis team) and my cc. I’m willing to go and stay with a friend who has offered me a bed or even go to my grandparents and stay with them (they live far so won’t be able to access services if that was the case).

I don’t see how being on the ward is helping me; I’ve had more flashbacks, feel on edge all the time cos of number of men walking around and generally don’t see how this can be to me benefit?

I’d really appreciate anyone reading this to let me know what they think the doctor will ask and if I have covered all parts?


Posted by on July 27, 2012 in Uncategorized


6 responses to “Discharge?

  1. thelionthatroared

    July 27, 2012 at 12:54 pm

    I don’t have the answers you need right now but I’m so bloody proud of you! Good luck. *hugs*

    • femaleptsd

      July 27, 2012 at 12:56 pm

      thanks so much – it’s a gamble because if they think I should be here, they will section me, but only way I could see of getting out

  2. Pam Smith

    July 27, 2012 at 12:57 pm

    That is SUCH good news!

    Please remember that the medical staff have their own processes and protocols to consider – this isn’t because of you or your condition, it’s just hospital. Things move slowly. So don’t be disappointed or see it as a setback if it takes a while to get discharged.

    Eg when I just had my gall bladder out, I was told on a Friday afternoon by the consultant that I could go home. But I actually got early on Sunday evening because it took till then to get all my meds and dressings and referrals to community services sorted out.

    Apart from the student doctor who made a mistake about getting my meds dispensed (but I guess she’s there to learn by her mistakes!) nobody did anything wrong, it’s just that things can move slowly in hospitals.

    And nobody wanted to keep me there a minute longer than I had to be there, but nor did they want to send me out without the proper support and care.

    The main thing is that you are feeling positive, and whenever you do come out you’ll be working from the basis of positivity.

    • femaleptsd

      July 27, 2012 at 1:15 pm

      Thanks Pam! As long as I knew it had been accepted that I was leaving then I think I could cope. Guess the difference on this ward is they want beds asap! x

  3. Mike

    July 27, 2012 at 4:44 pm

    I suppose you have to convince them that you’re making the effort to co-operate because you want to get out of there due to the decision not to kill yourself rather than try to convince them you’re OK so you can get out and potentially commit suicide when you’re on your own.

    I’m not sure how you do that but if I was in their position then that’s the question I’d probably want to answer.

    Your posting is so rational and positive that it seems ludicrous that you’re in there but I suppose it’s their job to make sure there’s no risk you’re suddenly going to change your mind.

    The fact that the men there disturb you should be a good argument, imho.

  4. Nurse DustyV

    July 27, 2012 at 7:25 pm

    my advice would be to present them with a bit of a plan (which you have already managed to identify in your post) involving people on the outside- that shows you are actively thinking about your own recovery.
    When I shadowed a nurse the other day- a gentleman who was quite unwell initially was talking about his discharge- and what he would like to do and how he would like to improve his lot once he got out. It seemed so positive- and I totally believed he wanted that too.

    Perhaps try to show them your intentions and be as open as you can about how you feel- give a balanced picture- the good and bad. They will want to know you will take your medication and you will keep safe.

    On a personal note I am so pleased you have chosen to live; you are one brave individual and an inspiration really.
    Good luck with the discharge XX


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