So the time has come for me to make a decision about the next step in therapy. Tomorrow I have a meeting with my care co-ordinator, therapist and psychiatrist to make this decision. I’m really grateful that they are allowing me to maintain a certain amount of control in this process but part of me is really nervous about seeing all three of them together (ridiculous eh!!)
Over the past week I have spoken to both my therapist and cc separately, to try and come to a decision. My therapist thinks that carrying on as me and her have been doing is a good idea and therefore I will be passed on to another cbt therapist (although it’s not cbt that we’ve been doing!). And when speaking to her, that sounded the best course of action.
And then after speaking to my cc who thinks a more explorative therapy might be useful, I tended to agree with her. I guess I don’t actually have an opinion on this. I don’t know if a certain type of therapy has helped me or it’s just the therapeutic relationship that has. The fact I’ve been able to go somewhere once a week and offload has probably been the most important thing for me.
I’ve asked my therapist in her experience, will I benefit from more of the same? Both her and my cc have agreed that it depends on how I get on with the new therapist and there is no right or wrong answer. If it doesn’t help me the way we think it should, then I can be switched (but that switch would involve going back on the waiting list).
I guess I’m just really confused and tomorrow I need to make a decision!
The other thing that is bothering me about this whole period is that I know I don’t let my defences down easily and trust is a difficult thing for me. I will miss the ease of turning up for a session and being myself without having to explain things too much. To build a new relationship is going to take time and the month of december is really not the best time for this to be happening. Whichever route I take, I’m likely to have a few weeks with no therapy and this coincides with the anniversary and if anything is the time I need support around me. I’m pretty worried how I will deal with this to be honest. Then for good measure just throw in the ‘c’ word, which is an incredibly triggering time for me, and this upheaval is something I could do without.
So I met with all 3 of them (a very surreal experience) and I think it had pretty much been decided by them, and me separately, that things would carry on as they are but just a different therapist. I was asked how I wanted the new therapist to be introduced; in my current sessions, with my cc or on my own. I picked on my own (you have to do it alone initially, so why not now!!). Both my cc and psychiatrist said at same time, “I knew you’d say that”. Apparently my stubbornness doesn’t just come across on here 🙂
It was also nice for my psych to say they’d all noticed how much effort I’m putting in to sorting things out and really pleased with that side of things.