In the past, I have always been proud of how tenacious I have been. When things haven’t gone my way, I’ve gone back to the drawing board and looked at how I could get to where I wanted. Because of this tenacity, I was able to build a successful business and be happy in my social life at the same time.
My care co-ordinator has always said to me, that it’s my stubbornness (ok so maybe she calls my tenacity stubbornness but I like my word better!!) that will get me through this period of my life. Surprise surprise, I doubted her! I honestly thought it had disappeared, the trait that I had relied up on so much, my fighting spirit; all gone.
And then something has happened over the past few weeks that has made me think, just maybe, it is still there. I have made no secret over the fact I want to retrain as a doctor and move in to the psychiatry field. And so I set out to see what I would need to do in order to qualify for the medical school that is closest to me.
In no uncertain terms, I was told by the admissions manager that I wouldn’t get a place as I didn’t have the right qualifications. My degree is in a business related field and I got a 2:2 (all be it only 2% off a 2:1 but that’s not important is it!) and so I was told I wouldn’t be accepted. Even if I had an access to higher education qualification at the college they recommend, they would still look at my degree result and reject my application.
My question was, how can something I did 10 years ago in a completely unrelated field overshadow a recent, science based qualification?
When I got this from the university, I felt squashed. This was the first thing I had felt was worth working towards for me. I felt I had a purpose again. After a couple of days wallowing, I decided that instead of applying for the pre med course through the university (which made the 5 year medical degree, 6 years), I would go straight to the college and apply for it. Then once I had concrete results, I could show how serious I was and how my results were better (I would make sure they were!) So that was my next plan. I looked on their website and I met the entry requirements, so I put my application in.
A couple of weeks later, I got a rejection letter. Apparently my level of qualification was too high and therefore I wasn’t allowed on to the course. Again, I felt squashed. Who was I to think I could better myself anyway? I needed to get in to the real world and realise my limitations.
And then another couple of days passed and I realised I still wanted this and so if that meant me having to study for maybe an extra year or so, then so be it. I contacted my local college and they have an access to higher education course in science that looks interesting. So it wouldn’t get me in to medical school, but it would show how serious I am and I would look at another 2 medical schools that are a bit further away to try to get on to their foundation courses.
Today, after sharing a few emails with the course tutor to make sure I am eligible, I have put an application in for that course.
And so I have found my stubbornness, my unwillingness to never give up. If I can do it for a course, I can do it for my own mental health, right?