Weird Experience, Anyone Else?

25 May

It’s currently 4am and another sleepless night. I’ve struggled the past two weeks to sleep much and to be honest I wasn’t going to share why on here. However, as I’ve said a few times before, I want this to be a ‘warts an all’ account of my journey because if I write about it, maybe someone else won’t feel as alone as I do!

After the visit from the police at the beginning of the month, I’ve really struggled. I think I’d put so much of my past into a box and shoved it as far away as possible, that it has all come pouring out and I’ve no way of stopping it.

The worst part happened last week. I think I’ve mentioned quantum physics in some other posts but it’s an area that I really find interesting and the whole parallel universe thing. There is nothing in that last sentence that is unusual but last week I felt like I had a connection. I can’t describe it any better than that, it was with an infant from a parallel universe (I don’t know how I knew this, i just did) and it was making me realise some things:

1) the meds I was taking were going to harm me
2) the ‘services’ who were part of my treatment were also out to harm me
3) the place where the infant was from, was a much better one and should join him there.

In the place I am now, I can see that maybe it doesn’t sound very logical. But I can’t discount that it wasn’t a real experience. I stopped my meds, I cancelled my care coordinators (cc) appointment and I shut myself away. When I told the pharmacist I didn’t need anymore medication, he contacted my GP, who in turn contacted my cc and she tried to get in touch.

I finally spoke to her this week and only because I started to become confused. Was this connection I was feeling real? Why would people want to hurt me? I decided to speak to her because in the past she has always done right by me and I had to trust the logic that she still would.

I went in to see her and we discussed what I’d said above and that I was confused. She told me that meds were always just an option for me. That they aren’t going to make me better, just maybe give me a notch on a ladder of emotions to work on and that only therapy will help me. She explained that I could stop them if I wanted, that her and my psychiatrist have always said that to me.

I left, still confused, but agreed to see her again later in the week and to have a think about whether I would be taking them or not. I’ve been so anxious and in a mess that I decided that if I was in control of taking them, then they couldn’t be to harm me and so on Wednesday I started them again.

On Thursday, we discussed what had happened and how my thoughts were. I explained I was still confused. How could I think something to be so true and know it as completely certain and yet it not be right? I still believe something happened last week and to be honest I’m still left with paranoia over people’s roles in my life and whether in actual fact, I shouldn’t be here and instead just carry on in some parallel universe and that this was a sign for me.

I’d be interested to know if anyone else has ever been through similar. My cc seems to think it is in the cluster of symptoms that my dissociation is in and it’s just one of those unanswerable things. However, I’d prefer to know more and why it happened and so if anyone knows of similar please let me know.


Posted by on May 25, 2013 in Uncategorized


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5 responses to “Weird Experience, Anyone Else?

  1. Mike

    May 25, 2013 at 11:32 am

    According to some theories there are an infinite number of parallel universes where, by definition, there are limitless versions of ourselves who take different decisions and go down different paths in life that multiply up so that all possibilities that could ever exist do, in fact, exist somewhere. It’s too mind-blowing really to understand but it makes some sort of sense. But it doesn’t necessarily follow that there is communication between the two different worlds. It might be worth doing some reading on this — there are plenty of popular science books that try to explain these theories in understandable language.

    I’m agnostic on things like the paranormal and supernatural. I think it’s a bit arrogant for us to dismiss possibilities that we merely can’t explain away with our current knowledge of science. No-one a hundred years ago would have entertained the theories of quantum physics or the big bang.

    However, the infant might be a representation of what’s in your subconscious. I don’t want to try any amateur psychology but the infant probably represents innocence and may be articulating what you feel about your experiences with the medicines and the healthcare system.

    I know it’s not really the same but when I’m writing, I sometimes find, as many writers say, that the characters take on an almost independent existence of their own and sometimes they act in a way that I hadn’t planned. So I think it’s very possible to have in your mind someone who seems almost real — in the same way that readers do when they read a good book.

    • femaleptsd

      May 25, 2013 at 5:23 pm

      Those are the theories I’ve read about and make a lot of sense – just extremely mind boggling!! It’s difficult to try & explain how I knew it was from there, I just did – sounds very random I know!!

  2. Pam Smith

    May 25, 2013 at 1:32 pm

    I’ve had an experience in prayer which isn’t similar but relates to a ‘child self’ so I will tell it in case it might help.

    I used to have a very ‘noisy’ inner voice that was commenting on what was happening outside me all the time. When I became a Christian I found prayer very difficult because this inner voice never shut up. It commented on how I was coming across to other people, what I should say and do, etc and it meant I had no ‘inner peace’ at all.

    When I was at a very large Christian event one year, I was conscious that I couldn’t enjoy the worship because of this inner commentary drawing me away from actually experiencing it, and I kept telling it to shut up, but it just got more insistent.

    In prayer, I had an insight that, as a child, I was mainly praised for being ‘clever’ – and this inner voice was me as a little girl, still trying to gain approval for being ‘clever’. So the more I told her to go away the more distressed she became and the louder she got. The only thing to do was accept her as a part of my personality so she didn’t keep having to prove herself by being ‘clever’. So I did this in prayer and that inner voice has stopped distracting me.

    • femaleptsd

      May 25, 2013 at 5:22 pm

      Thanks for sharing that with me, glad to hear other people’s experiences. I never heard a voice as such, I just knew these things – it’s so tough to try and explain. Am glad you worked out yours 🙂

  3. Cynthia Sue Larson

    June 1, 2013 at 2:49 am

    There is scientific basis for experiencing a feeling of being in touch with other possible realities. We’re living in exciting times right now, as the field of quantum biology demonstrates that many living systems (such as photosynthesis in plants, and our human sense of smell) absolutely depend on quantum physics abilities such as quantum tunneling, quantum entanglement, and superposition of states. A majority of physicists polled at a recent conference stated they believe every one of us and every single thing in our universe exists in a superposition of states–meaning that we are in touch with many possible parallel realities. I also write about this at my web site and in my book, “Reality Shifts: When Consciousness Changes the Physical World.”


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