Tomorrow I have my quarterly appointment with my psychiatrist. It is essentially a catch up, making sure the meds I’m on are ok and if they need any change in the dosage.
However, after last weeks therapy assessment outcome, I feel I need to get everything off my chest. I told it all to my cc but as she is off she told me she wouldn’t have chance to explain my thoughts to my psychiatrist before my appointment.
I’m ok with this, I am more than capable of expressing my thoughts and opinions to my psychiatrist. I have a lot of respect for her, we have clashed heads somewhat in the past because we both speak our minds, but I also like her for that reason. When my cc realised she was off on the day of my appointment she said she wasn’t worried as I can more than hold my own, so now I just need to!
I’m pretty nervous about it, but only because I am still so annoyed about last weeks recommendation. When I spoke to my cc about it, she said we will review it when the therapists report comes through and that it isn’t a no, but just a not today.
I asked her how the circle can be broken because from my perspective they are saying I’m too high risk, but the reason I am high risk is because of the images and thoughts that are constantly going through my head with the trauma. I don’t need emotional regulation, I need help with the flashbacks and the fact I’m scared to sleep. I’d like to see how anyone (without trauma) deals with 2 hours sleep a night – if affects the mood in a massive way.
Using an analogy, I also told my cc that I feel that I’ve gone to my GP two years ago with a sore arm (PTSD symptoms) and initially they have tried treating that, but then they’ve seen a problem with my leg (even though I’ve never had any issues with it) and they decide to concentrate on that. And last weeks assessment makes me feel like they are recommending putting my leg in plaster and I keep saying but what about my arm? That’s my problem, why can’t we treat my arm?
I’m not sure how all this will come over to my psychiatrist tomorrow, but I can only hope I fight my corner well enough!