30 Aug

This is a conversation between me and duty worker whilst my care coordinator is off:

Duty: are you not eating as a form of self harm?
Me: no, I haven’t slept and so feel that sickly feeling you get and no appetite
Duty: are you not taking your meds as a form of self harm?
Me: no, I’m so exhausted, getting out of bed and going to the chemist feels a million miles away
Duty: you don’t sound very motivated in your intonation today
Me: no, I haven’t slept, I’m exhausted

I won’t bore you but this went on for quite a few questions – which bit of this is so hard to understand; I haven’t slept!!!

We are continually told how sleep is so integral to mental health, for anyone! When you are used to a certain number of hours sleep and then don’t get them, everything suffers the next day and that’s just after one night! I am hitting the week mark now where I have slept no more than 6 hours in total.

I gave in to my stubborn nature and finally asked for help with it by asking duty to speak to my psychiatrist about prescribing two nights sleeping meds. It took overnight to hear back, but it was a no. When I asked why, I was told because we are worried about you; you seem to be going through a bad patch and so we will come out and see you next week and devise a plan then. (Oh yeah, stupid me, I forgot I’m only allowed to have an issue 9-5 Monday to Friday!!)

I have racked my brains and I can not come up with one good reason why they said no, I even said I’d have just one nights if it was because there were concerns over taking more than I should – still a no. Can anyone provide me with a legitimate reason why I’m being declined this help?

So now, with no other choice, I’m left to try my own methods and just going to get completely drunk and hope I pass out – what else am I meant to do (and yes, I’ve tried all the sleep hygiene stuff, all the teas and even over the counter sleeping meds I had)!!


Posted by on August 30, 2013 in Uncategorized


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6 responses to “Sleep

  1. Lucy

    August 30, 2013 at 7:26 pm

    I’m sorry they are being so entirely useless. As a long term insomniac, I feel your pain at the exhaustion, and even more so because as you said, if you were sleeping relatively okay to suddenly not be sleeping at all must be horrific.

    I can’t think of a reasonable reason either, as to why they couldn’t give you sleeping medication in the interim. Even if it had just been three doses to see you through the weekend until they can come out and devise this plan with you.

    Please try and be safe with the drink though. I’m sure you don’t need a lecture but take care x

    • femaleptsd

      August 30, 2013 at 7:26 pm

      Thanks – exactly my thinking!! x

  2. The Sexologist

    August 31, 2013 at 1:40 pm

    I remember a period when I hadn’t slept in 4 days. Not at all. I went to my doctor and she proceeded to tell me that I had to stop placing sleep on a pedestal and that my body would sleep when it needed to. When I saw my psychiatrist he immediately put me on medication to help me sleep and said I was actually having a hypomanic episode. I felt like going to back to my doctor and saying a big fuck you.

    • femaleptsd

      August 31, 2013 at 11:08 pm

      I’m not surprised, that’s awful!

  3. Patrick Howse

    September 12, 2013 at 9:58 pm

    The reason I eventually sought help for my PTSD was that I went five months without sleeping more than 2 hours a night. I did come through the other side of this, with the help of therapy and (eventually) the love of a good woman. Remember nothing is forever – that’s humanity’s curse – AND blessing.

    • femaleptsd

      September 12, 2013 at 10:11 pm

      Wow don’t know how you managed 5 months, I’m falling apart and it’s only been 3 weeks 🙂 I’m glad to hear you came through the other side though as this seems endless at the min x


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