Admitted to a Psychiatric Ward

20 Sep

On Tuesday I had an appointment with my care coordinator that didn’t go very well. I explained I’d been having suicidal thoughts and was having a tough time, but this period had been going on for about 3 or 4 weeks and didn’t show any sign of letting up. To be honest, I’d hit a slump after trying to take my own life on my birthday (in August) and which my cc has since told me was an extremely serious attempt (well the plan wasn’t to be here so I wasn’t exactly playing at it!!)

All I wanted was to be left alone. I know how I work, I go very insular and once I’ve dealt with things in my own way, I come out ready to face the world again. I explained this to my cc and that I’d be in touch when I was ready for an appointment next week.

Not an hour had passed after she left when I got a voicemail from her to say my psychiatrist wanted to see me on Thursday (yesterday) in clinic. I’ll admit that I wasn’t 100% sure I was going to go but was worried that they’d come round to my place and that would be 100 times worse and so I decided I’d show I was making an effort and go along.

I was with my psychiatrist and my cc for well over an hour. We discussed my meds, my lack of sleep and how that was having such a negative impact on things, my suicidal thoughts and any plans I had. After all this she said she thinks that I need to go on the ward as they can keep me safe and sort meds out so hopefully my lack of sleep never reaches these proportions again.

I obviously refused. My experience of a ward isn’t good at all and I really struggle and to be honest I’d take not sleeping any day of the week over being in there. And the came the magic words, “you can come in informally or I’ll request a mental health act assessment and we will detain you, it’s your choice”. Well no, actually, there’s no choice there at all!! When I said this, they said that they believe that choice needed to be taken away from me as I wasn’t seeing things properly at the moment and couldn’t see this was for the best.

So backed in to a corner, I agreed to go in as an informal patient as I wanted to try and keep both my psychiatrist and cc on side in some small way. And so here I am, sat on my bed (at least it’s in a private room), writing this post and not wanting to be here and here are a couple of reasons why:

1) It’s a mixed ward. Whilst there is a female only area, in order to get to the meds room, dining room, nurses station or lounge, I have to walk through the male section. I’m terrified, just thinking about it panics me so much and there is nothing I can do about it!

2) I have ptsd. I’m jumpy. There are so many noises and voices all the time, never mind when the alarm goes off for a difficult patient (talking of which, off it goes right now). I can’t settle, my brain won’t switch off. This is all the more apparent that even after a strong sleeping tablet last night, I only managed 2 hours sleep.

This is not the environment for someone with my symptoms and I’ve no idea how long I’m going to be in here for. I am trying to see it from their perspective, they don’t feel they could have left me the way I was and taken the risk, but it’s not even been 24hrs and already I want to go home!


Posted by on September 20, 2013 in Uncategorized


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8 responses to “Admitted to a Psychiatric Ward

  1. monstiegirl

    September 20, 2013 at 9:02 am

    I feel for you. I spent time on psych wards last summer and they aren’t the place to be if you have ptsd. Is there no female only ward that they can transfer you to? What about a residential house like you went to before? They could keep you safe but in a quieter and more restful place? If not an option, try and find a nurse you can talk to. Try not to isolate too much. I always have my mobile with me, so email me anytime you want to. Just remember you deserve help and you are a strong, courageous person. You’ll get through this xx

  2. Pam Smith

    September 20, 2013 at 9:26 am

    Well done for making a rational decision to comply with the suggestion to go to hospital. I know it feels like you’ve been forced to go but actually I think there IS a difference between saying ‘You’re leaving me no choice, so under protest I will go into hospital’ and being taken in against your will.

    The situation of the mixed ward sounds awful, I’m so sorry that the system is unable to cope with the fact that people in PTSD are going to be jumpy and feel threatened by lots of things.

    I do sympathise about the impossibility of sleep in hospital – they can be awfully noisy places, especially at night. Are you able to ask for/wear earplugs?

  3. kerrichronicles

    September 20, 2013 at 4:45 pm

    Keep your head up and your heart open. I will keep you in my prayers.

  4. Cee Hart

    September 20, 2013 at 6:00 pm

    I hated every minute I was in the nuthouse (sorry, psychiatric ward). It felt to me like I was in prison. No cell phone, no music, no Internet access, no freedom. But it did me some good. I have to admit that. I’m sorry you’re having to go through this, but make the best of it. After all, however it may feel, at least it’s being done with your best interests at heart. Take advantage of it.

    Thinking about you!


  5. Anonymous

    September 21, 2013 at 7:18 pm

    You are in survival mode my dear. Please remember there are gentlemen in the world that have heard your story and are praying for you and are with you spiritually now. I am in Australia, and I read through your story and I am thinking of you and praying for you now. I was a professional soldier who served with US Army Rangers in Iraq 2003, and I have PTSD too so I know what it is like.

    PTSD is truly different for each of us; we each go through our own hell. No one can tell you what you will go through and how you will go through it. I want to say more, but the email screen won’t let me. You hang in there girl – and remember there are people on the other side of the world praying for yo! Stay safe and get well babe 🙂

    • femaleptsd

      October 9, 2013 at 3:15 pm

      Thankyou so much for your kind words – I hope you are doing well x

  6. Belinda Thompson

    September 22, 2013 at 10:19 pm

    how are you? been thinking about you (I’m monstiegirl above) xx

    • femaleptsd

      October 9, 2013 at 3:18 pm

      Sorry I didn’t reply previously, things took over. I’ve put a new post up with an update but thanks so much for thinking about me!! x


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