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If you…

12 Nov

If you….

If you had to go back to the worst moment of your life, everyday, as if you were reliving it

If you had to stay indoors because you were too scared of seeing faces in the crowd – even if they aren’t there

If you had to endure sleepless nights where the worst of your thoughts come out to play

If you hated yourself so much that you didn’t understand how you could breathe the same air as others

If you lost time, didn’t know what happened but always came back hurt

If you sometimes couldn’t even get out of bed for fear of what you would do to yourself, never mind the fact your brain won’t allow you to

If you had to put up with this day in, day out, would you still be alive?

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12 Comments

Posted by on November 12, 2013 in Uncategorized

 

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12 responses to “If you…

  1. David (@Petmorr)

    November 12, 2013 at 2:32 pm

    I cannot imagine what you have gone through, nor know the battles you face. It is important that you know that people want you to stay, that it’s important that you stay.

     
  2. Blonde Batgirl

    November 12, 2013 at 5:43 pm

    I don’t know, is my answer. But I do know, if there was only a balloon-ful of air left, I would feel honoured to share it with you. X

     
    • femaleptsd

      November 12, 2013 at 5:44 pm

      That’s such a lovely thing to say, thankyou x

       
  3. Cat (@Cat_Cassels)

    November 12, 2013 at 7:58 pm

    You describe my every day existence. I have tried to take my life so many times I’ve lost count, yet I stubbornly remain here. In my better moments I know that I can heal from what was done to me. I don’t know how but I know it’s possible. I think it would be easier to climb Everest (& I’m disabled) & most of the time I feel like I’m damned. But then I remember how far I’ve come, what I’ve endured. And I think, I refuse to let the people who hurt me win. I will not give them the satisfaction. So I hold onto my stubbornness & that tiny sliver of wisdom that knows Life can be better.

    I cannot answer for you & I would never judge what you decide. I know how it is, day after day. I believe In you, whatever you do & I wish you healing. Take care.

     
    • femaleptsd

      November 12, 2013 at 7:59 pm

      It’s nice to know I’m not the only one feeling this way (although sorry you are) x

       
  4. Angharad

    November 12, 2013 at 8:01 pm

    Your writing is incredible, so powerful and so touching. It just shows how tremendously strong and courageous you are. Take care X

     
  5. Juliet

    November 12, 2013 at 9:26 pm

    You’re not alone feeling like this. Stay safe. You are very strong and brave.

     
  6. anonymous

    November 13, 2013 at 2:32 pm

    Today I started out feeling like I could just cry (nothing to cause it) and I started to think to myself how PTSD is so terrible because no one really just recovers from it, we simply learn to co-exist with it. My husband is the kind of person who tries to help people, he wants to help me get better but it’s so hard because he doesn’t understand me so I very often feel very alone very much how you describe here. And than I come across your writings and I don’t feel alone because I know there are other people who are feeling alone with me, so that makes us not alone. Thank-you.

     
    • femaleptsd

      November 13, 2013 at 2:43 pm

      Sorry you have to go through this as well but I’m glad you don’t feel you’re alone anymore x

       
  7. Kathryn Stokes

    November 21, 2013 at 5:59 pm

    I am so thankful I found this blog. I simply cannot express how much each and every one of your posts mean to me and how I connect with them on a deep level. I went through an assault of the same nature as you and I am currently at the end of my own personal strength. I feel frayed and broken and I’m unraveling in so many parts of my life. Reading this gives me new strength and hope. I feel like I know someone who has and is going through what I am feeling right now. Reading these give me hope and strength. I’ve found hope again. And also I am facing my fear of getting help by reading these posts. Thank you for that. I look forward to reading more posts and following you on your story.

     

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