**For anyone who could be triggered by any mention of sexual assault, please do not read on until you are in a safe frame of mind. Also this contains adult content so please only read on if you are an adult**
I have never gone into detail about what happened to me that night and I struggle to put it down and so I wrote it as if it happened to someone else – somehow I can detatch from it then and it doesn’t seem real!
So here it is, a lot still missing but this is all I managed:
After a long day at work, she returned home to be cornered in by a car she didn’t recognise. As she lived on a side road no-one was around. It was when she saw a guy she was seeing with a certain friend that she knew he was going to cause her trouble and that her heart dropped. He told her to get in the car where there were another 3 men that she recognised but didn’t know. She didn’t have any choice as she knew how dangerous these men could be. Once in the car she was shoved face down to the foot well and with a knee in her back, her hands were tied and she was injected with something. Over the next 10 minutes or so she became disorientated and became quite heavy and sleepy.
The next thing she remembers is feeling pain as she was being raped by 2 of them. When she realised what was happening she let out a scream which was quickly stopped by one of them. She tried to resist, kicking out although her hands remained tied and still felt dozy so couldn’t do anything. It was at this point that she saw the gun and it was pointed at her head and she was told if she made any more noise that she would be shut up. They were all laughing and cheering each other on as they took their turns and it went on for a time, them rotating and her being able to do nothing but silently cry for fear of being killed. If they noticed a tear, she was kicked in the ribs and told to shut up and told her that they knew she was really enjoying it so to stop pretending she was upset. She felt so much humiliation as they were all watching her being degraded and hurt and hearing them talking about what is coming next and knowing there is absolutely nothing she can do to stop it. They reduced her to nothing, a nothingness to pass around for their own pleasure. This kept going on and off until the next day.
When they had all finished and she hoped it was all over, they took the gun and used that on her and told her if she ever thought of telling anyone about what had happened she would get so much worse than this and then put it in her mouth and pulled the trigger. It was at this point that she learned the gun wasn’t loaded.