Tag Archives: crisis team

Police, A&E, Triage Nurse, Crisis Team & Own Team

This post is purely about facts – were things handled correctly, should any thing have been done differently?

I was suicidal, so I took some sleeping tablets and I was driving to the place I was going to do it so when I saw a motorway bridge and decided that’d be a good place to jump. It was midnight & so the motorway was quiet enough to have long stretches with no traffic so noone else would be involved.

I stood there, I have no idea how long for, just staring over the bridge, knowing this was it.

Then a police van turned up, asked me why I was there. I couldn’t answer through the tears and cold. They asked me if I’d be willing to sit in the van to warm up a little as I was shaking. I agreed.

They asked for my details, I gave them – no reason not to and asked if I’d been drinking – I said no. After doing a check on me and my vehicle, it was decided that it’d be best for me to go to hospital. I went in the police van and one of the policemen drove my car. Whilst he was driving, I took the rest of the tablets but he heard the packet, stopped the van and asked what I was doing – I told him they were anti-anxiety tablets and he got back in the van & continued to hospital.

When I arrived at hospital they walked me in and then left me there.

The triage nurse called me in and was lovely. She asked if I’d been drinking, I said no. She asked if I’d taken any drugs and so I showed her the packets and said whatever was missing, I had taken.

She told me the psych liaison team were in the department and she’d she if they were available. I was put in a small room and left for half an hour whilst they got ready to see me. It was the usual crisis team questions; tell me what happened in the lead up to you being here, how are you feeling now etc. I asked to go home, they accepted it and off I went.

Today I had a voicemail from my cc saying she’d seen I’d been at a&e and if I wanted to speak to her then call or speak to duty. I called her pretty much straight back (around 2.30pm) but she was busy and duty wouldn’t speak to me whilst my own cc was in the office. I left my name and number and asked for a call back, but nothing.

All in all, do you think this has all been handled correctly, anything wrong, right etc?

** UPDATE** When I originally wrote this, I wanted to see what people thought others roles were in the events that took place. Some people have asked for their response to be private so I won’t be giving specifics. But I also wanted to write it without emotion and then add this bit on to say how I felt I was handled. To say I have tweeted both the hospital and police department to say thankyou for how they helped me that night pretty much explains my point of view. The police did exactly what they needed to and never once made me feel stupid or a waste of time. The same can be said about the triage nurse and the liaison team (2 of them).

I guess the problem came with me answering their questions, they can only go on what I said and I knew the questions well enough to know what answers to give to get out of there as quickly as possible!

My cc called me back this morning and by 1pm, one of the home treatment team were here as a referral.


Posted by on March 20, 2013 in Uncategorized


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Suicide Attempt – PTSD

On my last post I mentioned that I was being seen by the home treatment team (htt) but I wasn’t finding them much use. They weren’t being horrible or anything, just not particularly useful and I couldn’t really see the point in seeing them. But I did, and tried to be open as much as I could with them. One session with a different cpn  (community psychiatric nurse) left me feeling that I really didn’t have anywhere mentally to go. I felt like she just kept asking questions that made me see how bad my life had become from what it used to be and that I had such a long journey to go on and essentially left me feeling what the hell is the point? I spent a couple of days going backwards and forwards in my own head, asking myself questions about if I could see how/if things could change – I wasn’t coming up with many answers.

On Wednesday, I decided (rationally) that I’d had enough and wasn’t willing to go on this journey anymore. Part of me however knew that maybe there was a small section of me that still wanted to live and so I decided to call the home treatment team (as I kept being told to do) and see how I felt afterwards. It was 8.30pm (they are open until 9pm), but they share a number with a community mental health team that switch their phones off at 5pm. I left a message asking for a call back, and I waited! Nothing came. I ended up taking myself to a&e after taking an overdose – I’ve no idea how that small part of me overcame the rest in order to get help but it was obviously stronger than I thought.

I arrived at hospital and sat down expecting a long wait but when I saw the triage nurse, he took me straight through to the majors unit and gave me a cup of charcoal to start drinking. I’ve never had it before and never want to again – it was disgusting, gritty and just yuck!! I was starting to drift off to sleep and the next bits are really a blur, but I remember having bloods taken and a drip put in, an ecg and blood pressure etc taken a few times. I also vaguely remember a registrar being called and some things happening but was too out of it to know what.

I was admitted and sent to an escalation ward for a bed and again had obs done a few times and still had an iv drip in. I was due to see my cc at home on thursday morning and when I didn’t answer, she left me a message to see if I was ok. I called her back and she already knew I was in hospital and told me that she wanted to be in my psych assessment that they would ask for and she’d see me later.

I saw a medical doctor (with 3 juniors) and got passed as medically fit and they would arrange the assessment with psych. I also had a nice lecture from her about the dangerous-ness of overdoses – well yeah, I kind of wanted that to be the point!! I’m over medical dr’s being able to understand mental health as I’ve yet to see any real evidence of it. The same with the nurse on the ward I was on. There was 11 patients and 2 nurses and 1 auxiliary. Apart from the auxiliary asking me if I wanted a drink, I didn’t get any communication from the nurses – every other bed did – maybe they thought I wanted to be left alone but ah well.

My cc arrived and took me in to a private room where another woman was waiting from access and liaison services and luckily my cc took the lead. She asked to explain why we were there and I told her I’d had enough and that I’d tried to call the crisis team but I didn’t get a reply and I’d spent a couple of days thinking everything over. We spoke about the fact I just wanted to go home and sleep and I had to promise I would carry on with the home treatment team if I was to be discharged. I agreed and was left to go on my way.

I then saw my cc yesterday, she wanted to check how I was and she explained that her and my psychiatrist were going with a high risk management plan with me and if she wasn’t involved in my assessment at the hospital the day before, it was likely I would have been admitted. I’m extremely glad and grateful to them for that, as I know hospital is not an option for me!

So what now? The feelings don’t just go away – it’s not like one day I am suicidal and the next, after some charcoal and fluids I’m fixed. I still don’t know how to cope with what’s going through my mind all the time. The flashbacks, the anxiety, the tiredness – I’m just feeling so weary of it all and whilst I am giving things a go with my cc and htt, I can’t promise what the future holds.


Posted by on February 23, 2013 in Uncategorized


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Catch Up

It’s been about 3 weeks since I last posted and what a roller coaster of a time those 3 weeks have been. Initially, after telling my care co-ordinator, and posting about my disclosure on here, I felt a relief. I had so many genuinely lovely comments both on here, via email and on twitter that I thought I’d made the right decision.

There were a few people who unfollowed me on twitter and that was ok, I understood why they would do that. However, over the next week it began to become more ‘real’ and I’m not sure how else to explain it. I don’t know if it was because I’d told my cc and therefore it was out there, but the flashbacks started to become really intense – one so much that I ended up being physically sick.

I also started with this new thing where I felt like loads of snapshot images were flying in to my mind when I shut my eyes but they weren’t all viewable and then every now and then I’d make one of them out – not sure if I’m explaining it very well. It wasn’t like a flashback as I was still in the here and now. I’m not really sure what it is but it’s really affected my sleep and I’ve been unable to relax enough to get many hours.

Last week, my cc referred me to the home treatment team (used to be the crisis team) as she thought things were heading in a downwards spiral and I could do with the support. And I’m still under them at the minute. The only good thing about them is they have kept the same person dealing with me (at the request of my cc) and so I’ve not had to let lots of new people in but the couple of times she’s been round have been, in my eyes, pointless. It’s been the usual make a cup of tea and have a bath techniques that I’ve never used as distraction (I don’t like hot drinks and much prefer a shower!). But I’ve tried to let them in and help me as my cc is worried about me and I know and trust her enough to know that if she is, then I need help. Yesterday I got a call from my cc telling me there was a bed available in a respite place (someone hadn’t turned up) and did I want her to try and get it for me. Part of me wanted to say yes, I need that help but the bit of me that says ‘you’re worthless’ and ‘you don’t deserve anything’ won over and I said thanks for thinking of me but no.

The past couple of days have been hard. I have a gage of when things are good or bad and when I stop going on twitter (which I use as a distraction technique), I know they are bad. It feels like every time I dip down, I battle through to have maybe a week, or month of being ‘ok’ and then it hits again. It makes me think why bother battling? Will I ever be able to close my eyes and not see nasty things or is this it for me? Do I have to live with being dissociative when things get too much? Or will I ever see an inkling of the person I used to be?


Posted by on February 12, 2013 in Uncategorized


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Still with the crisis team

I decided not to write this straight away after my last appointment as I wanted to write when I wasn’t so emotional (not in a good or bad way, just in an emotional state).

It was the same lady from the previous 2 times which I was quite surprised with. My only other experience of the crisis team was heavily marred by the fact I hardly saw one person twice in the whole 6 weeks, nevermind the same person 3 times in a row. Before she arrived I tried to calm myself and just accept what she might say. I made sure there were no dishes on show (ok, so I put the dirty dishes in a cupboard, but one step at a time eh!!).

I’ll admit, my guard was well and truly up. I was expecting the patronising to begin, and I wasn’t disappointed. I continued to answer the questions honestly, but just going through the motions (in their words, they just needed to make sure I was alive and she had done that). But one of her comments made me bite. I said one of the things I really struggle with at the minute is that I will never be the same person that I was before the attack. She said that it was only me stopping me from being that, that the world hadn’t actually changed. This was my response, I might not make sense now but it did at the time to me:

The map is not the territory. Basically, we use our own personal internalised map to make our own individual realities. When we watch the news and see terrible things every day, it doesn’t have an impact on us because it doesn’t affect our own realities. So back to my situation. I did experience it, it did change my internal map and so my reality has actually changed. Whilst I can apparently work to change my internal map in a positive way, I can never remove the actual event.

That’s how I tried to explain it to her and to her credit she did say she had never thought of it in that way. I’m glad she was open to new ideas but surely that shouldn’t be a new idea to her in her job role?

She also told me that she didn’t think there was much they could do until I was on some medication. I tried to explain that neither my GP, psychiatrist or cc thought medication would be that helpful as I needed to deal with the flashbacks as the thing that’s causing me most trouble. And even if they started me on meds on Monday (which was supposed to happen but hasn’t), I said I thought they took 4-6 weeks to kick in and so why would that make any difference to her visits now? I honestly wasn’t meaning to be difficult, I just like to know answers to things. I think a lot when I am on my own and hate that I sometimes think of things I should have asked and didn’t.

She said that if she said the sky was blue, I would argue it wasn’t. I replied, no, I would ask how do you know my blue is the same as your blue? My point being, I’m not in it to argue, to disagree with everything they are saying. I want to understand why they are saying it and if I have a different opinion, tell them so they know where I am coming from – is this so wrong? Does this make me the patient from hell?


Posted by on January 10, 2012 in Uncategorized


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Crisis Team

In my last post I briefly mentioned about asking to be discharged as I was feeling suicidal and didn’t want any intervention. When my care co-ordinator (cc) left my apartment, I immediately tried to kill myself – the rope snapped (guess all that lying in bed with no exercise has put on more weight than I thought!!). When it failed (and I had a sore neck), I just sat and cried. This was the point for me where I finally admitted to myself that I needed help (and I needed to accept that help as well as make changes myself).

I called my cc but was told she wasn’t there so I asked for a call back from her. 5 o’clock came and went and I knew I was on my own for the night – the question was could I make it through until I hopefully spoke to her. I got my care plan out for the first time since it was done (5 months ago) and read what I was to do in an emergency. I sat with the number in front of me for most of the night, dialling a few digits then hanging up. I was scared to ask a complete stranger for help. So I didn’t. I lay there wishing I could shut my eyes and wake up when I could speak to my cc, but I couldn’t – there was no way I could have another nightmare so I stayed awake. My phone finally rang at 10am and it was my cc. I couldn’t find the words to simply say ‘I need help’ so instead I said, “It doesn’t matter, I can’t say it on the phone”. I think she realised something was wrong and she sat in silence waiting for me to talk. Then I just blurted it all out – that I tried to hang myself and that I’m scared of what I might do to myself.

Around the time of the anniversary, my cc had said about getting the crisis team involved to give me more support but from the past experience I had with them I was adamant that I never wanted to be under their care again. This time she said I’m not even going to hold my breath that you’ll accept but how about the crisis team. I said, I need help so yes. I think I shocked her with that response.

I got a call at about 1pm saying that her and someone from the crisis team were coming to see me at 4 and have a mini review. I was fine with this, a bit scared but only because I was worried what they would say when they saw my neck, but they didn’t say anything thankfully!

My cc made the introductions and then told me to never let her walk out of an appointment if I’m feeling like that again. I could understand why she was a bit put out so I tried to explain about the reason for asking for discharge. This led on to her telling me that in the meeting about me in the day, she had to fend off questions about why I wouldn’t tell my mum about how bad things were (I’m 31 and live alone by the way, not exactly under her care but she is my next of kin!!). It is the one thing I am adamant about, and is in my mental health review that they don’t have permission to talk to her. I was then told that actually they were perfectly within their rights to break confidentiality and contact her if they felt I was at risk. This completely astounded me. I don’t want her to know so who are they to override that decision (one I made when I wasn’t suicidal so they can’t say its my current state of mind talking). My cc explained that if they were in the coroner’s court and my mum found out that they knew I was suicidal but didn’t tell her, how would she feel? I understand their perspective but surely they should try to understand mine as well.

I explained that actually, that made me not want to be honest with them and instead say everything is fine even when it wasn’t. My cc assured me it would only be in high risk situations and they would probably go down the route of hospital treatment first. I don’t know, still not 100% sure but I agreed to be honest in how I was feeling.

The next thing we talked about was medication. My cc said she had noticed quite a dip in my mood since I was off medication completely (they stopped it at beginning of december as I had used their prescriptions to take overdoses and so they couldn’t carry on prescribing as they didn’t trust me). I found out today that my GP was adamant that the only way she would prescribe anything was if it came directly from my psychiatrist. So my psychiatrist had sent my cc to get a promise from me that I would take them as intended – I said I would. I have to change my ways if I want to get better as well!! Is it ironic though that the only medication I didn’t overdose on was the one was I was given PRN (as needed) usage – so me being in control of when I should take it, meant I took it when I needed it and not all together – weird!!

So that was about it, I have the woman from the crisis team coming tomorrow and we will go from there. I just need to get through the nights – they are the worst time for me!!


Posted by on January 6, 2012 in Uncategorized


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Handover meeting

In my last post, I said I hoped the member of the crisis team that would be at the handover meeting would be one of the ones I got on with. To be honest, any of the ones I met would have been a help!! However, a man that I had never met turned up – how could he do a handover when he had no idea about me – seriously what was the point of that?

On a positive the care coordinator (cc) seemed really nice and close to my age and seemed like she had a sense of humour – something everyone else in the service seemed to have lacked. I know mental health is serious but sometimes I want to make a sarcastic comment and not be looked at like I have committed some kind of crime!!

The thing I have struggled with in the crisis team is seeing so many different people. I don’t trust and have huge barriers around me and by seeing a different person practically every time meant that neither me nor them were getting anything from the relationship (in 8 weeks I saw 11 different people!). And so I was hopeful that having one person who I would get to know would be a good thing.

At the end of the handover, I made an appointment to see my cc and said goodbye to the crisis team finally!

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Posted by on July 19, 2011 in Uncategorized


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Yet another assessment….

This is more of a catch up post about things that have gone on since I was discharged from hospital. Firstly, the crisis team. I have done everything they have asked of me; in their words ‘engaged’ with them and yet still the feeling of being low is not being lifted – will this feeling ever go away? I still don’t see the point of them in my case. I am sure they have great success with others but they just don’t ‘get’ me!

Secondly, my GP. I have gotten more from her than the crisis team even though I have seen her only once a week. I feel like she is actually looking out for me rather than me being a statistic. She referred me to primary care as she believes that counselling is the way forward and she also thinks the tablets have made a slight difference so wants me to stay on them. As I have respect for her, I agree to go ahead with her recommendations.

So I received an appointment from primary care to go for an assessment (I have had so many assessments, I’m beginning to get bored of my own history!!) and so yet again off I go with an open mind. Firstly, I had to fill in a questionnaire on a computer which the therapist then looked at and moved on to having a chat. He said he believed CBT would be good for me (I’ll go in to my thoughts on CBT in another post!) and after an hour or so I left. Stupidly, him saying that CBT would be good for me made me believe that I would go on a waiting list with them and get the said CBT.

Er……. No!!

I was told by the crisis team that I had been rejected by primary care as the case was too complex and would be referred to secondary care. This also meant that the crisis team could discharge me to them. As mentioned before, I have never had any experience of the mental health services and so I had no idea what secondary mental health care was and no one was forthcoming at letting me know.

I was told there would be a handover meeting where a member of the crisis team and my allocated new care co-ordinator (no idea what one of these is either) would visit me. I had seen quite a lot of members of the crisis team over the previous weeks but wasn’t sure who would be at the handover. I really hoped it would be one of the ones I got on with so the new woman could get a real view of me.

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Posted by on July 12, 2011 in Uncategorized


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